Moving involves sorting through one’s life. The stacks of cards and letters, the memories in each object. What matters in the matter I have collected? How much of the past do I wish to carry? Am I moving away or moving toward?
It is time for me to use this blog more actively, especially to record this move from Asheville to Durham. I have been listening to Anam Cara recordings by John O’Donahue (Sounds True). He says that each of us has a gift to give. I am fortunate in that I recognized mine and pursued it. It is through giving this gift, which is our soul’s dream, that we come totally alive and are ourselves nourished.
Since understanding that I could no longer give my gifts through teaching in the way that I had done, I have sought guidance–how do I continue to give, to connect with all of you and yet feed my need for silence and solitude. Spirit moves in its own time. No bolt from the blue as has happened on occasion in the past. No, the answer is seeping slowly from the many cards and emails I have received from you through the years. I have been sorting, re-reading, and coming to a fuller acceptance of what following my dream has meant to you and how it has allowed some of you to follow yours.
Wisdom comes in pieces. Here are two pieces that I’m nurturing. The bolding is mine.
I thank Joella Newberry for sharing this from her own experience:
I am coming to such peace…without struggle… in just being and knowing my days are mine….I just say no. No, thank you. I am working on my projects at a snail’s pace because that is what it takes to think and be at peace. An article in the newspaper this morning said that to be successful in one’s retirement “becoming a hermit” is not wise. I know the extreme might be true, but I need to be alone a lot more than I ever have…not to produce, but to express, to give honor to my gifts that emerge from some full place that never empties.
And yesterday, Marion Dansforth sent this from her home near Durham:
I am elated at even the possibility of meeting you and having the opportunity to attend some writing experience you may lead. …It is your spiritual wisdom translated into your writings that I value.
My job is to remember these teachings and recognize that in realizing my dream of serving through teaching and writing, I increasingly forgot to serve myself. I do not think of myself as retiring, but as giving myself the gift of putting myself back in the equation.
Will I still teach? I believe so, because teaching feeds my soul. And, the form of that teaching will be different. How? I don’t know, except that I want to give time and space for deeper sharing of that spiritual wisdom. I’m still asking the questions as I clean closets and tape up boxes. Currently, we do not have a physical house in move into. Our present home still has riches to give up.
I love when life so obviously provides us with metaphors!